The Bible, Homosexuality, and a Christian Response – Part 6

He Qi, Song of Solomon, 2003

Attraction, Lust, and Choice

In discussing homosexuality with fellow Christians, there often seems to be some confusion over the difference between lust and sexual attraction. Many seem to think that sexual attraction is rooted in lust. This isn’t a scriptural belief, but rather societal conditioning from centuries of teaching that sex is somehow a bad thing.

God commanded Adam and Eve to be “…fruitful and multiply and fill the earth…” (Genesis 1:28 ESV). How could Adam and Eve fulfill that part of God’s commandment without sex? They couldn't. God created sex as part of His creation. At the end of His creation “God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:31). If God created sex as part of His creation and then said it was very good, then sex is very good (disclaimer: individual experiences may vary).

Attraction and Lust: They’re Not the Same Thing

Behold, thou art fair, my love;

behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes.

– Song of Solomon 1:15

²⁷ Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: ²⁸ but I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

– Matthew 5:27-28

Throughout the Bible, we read of many people who recognize the beauty of the opposite sex. One could say they were recognizing their sexual attractiveness.

·         Abraham’s servant recognized the beauty of Rebekah (Genesis 24:16)

·         Jacob recognized Rachel’s beauty (Genesis 29:17)

·         David’s servants recognized the beauty of Abishag (1 Kings 1:3)

·         Ahasuerus recognized Vashti and Hadassah’s (Esther’s) beauty (Esther 1:11, 2:7)

·         Solomon wrote a whole song about the beauty of the Shulamite woman (Song of Solomon)

While each of these people had their flaws, God never criticizes them for noticing the attractiveness of the opposite sex. Even God inspired the writers of scripture to note the beauty of people.

·         Moses was called fair (Acts 7:20)

·         Saul was called goodly (1 Samuel 9:2) and his description could best be summarized as strapping and ruggedly handsome.

·         David was called fair (1 Samuel 17:42)

·         Tamar was called fair (2 Sam 13:1, 14:27)

·         Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah were all described as having “no blemish” (Daniel 1:4) and being fair (Daniel 1:15)

Recognizing that a person is beautiful or good looking isn’t necessarily attraction. It would better be described as admiration. A person’s attractiveness can be recognized without there being any actual attraction.

There is more to attraction than just physical looks. It may begin there, but many times, a person may find a person physically attractive, but once they get to know that person, they find their personality to be offensive and are soon repulsed by them.

The opposite is also true. A person meets someone who would not meet the worldly criteria of attractiveness, but after getting to know the person, they become attracted to them based on their personality.

In both attraction and admiration, there is recognition of a person’s dignity and worth. Attraction and admiration don’t dwell on the sexual aspects of physical beauty. Instead, they notice physical attributes but focus on character. Attraction and admiration are both selfless acts.

Sexual attraction is absolutely the same way. Sexual attraction is a necessary part of procreation. Sexual attraction can happen as a result of physical appearance, but it can also happen in spite of it. Sexual attraction was created by God and is very good. It is beautiful.

¹³ Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: ¹⁴ but every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. ¹⁵ Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

– James 1:13-15

Lust on the other hand is not good. Lust is selfish. Lust does not recognize the dignity or worth of another person. Lust looks at other people as simple objects to fulfill sexual desire. Lust may begin with sexual attraction, but it doesn’t become lust until a person dwells on the sexual nature of the attraction.

Because of the selfish nature of lust and the danger that lust could lead to a physical transgression, Jesus says lust and adultery are actually the same thing. James says that every man (that means every woman too) is tempted. Temptation by itself is not sin, but how we respond to the temptation determines whether or not we sin. The message of the whole Bible is that giving in to temptation is sin.

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

– 1 Corinthians 10:13

Even Jesus was tempted, but He never sinned.

For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

– Hebrews 4:15

One person gave me a pretty good explanation of the difference between attraction and lust: “The first look is natural, the second look is sin.” Expanding on this idea though, imagine how you respond to meeting someone you find attractive. You find them physically attractive, your pulse quickens, you get a little nervous and blush a little. That is often a natural reaction. Where you cross the line is when you start to undress the other person with your eyes, think about what they look like when they’re undressed, and have sexual fantasies about them. That’s lust.

The natural recognition of beauty and the normal physical response isn’t sin, how we respond to our attraction is.

Attraction is not sinful. Lust is.

Homosexual attraction

Even though God designed mankind to have opposite-sex attraction, a minority of people find people of the same-sex sexually attractive. Even though it is outside of the norm, same-sex attraction in and of itself is not sinful. How a person responds to same-sex attraction determines sinfulness.

I have been harping on self-righteousness in these articles and this one won’t be any different. Just because same-sex attraction is outside of God’s original design, we can’t say that it is sinful any more than opposite-sex attraction is sinful. If a person has same-sex attraction and they recognize the dignity of people, but do not follow their attraction with lust or physical consummation, then same-sex attraction by itself is not sinful.

Where same-sex attraction becomes sinful is when it is followed by selfish acts of lust or physical consummation.

While there is still a debate over whether or not homosexuality is a psychological disorder, if we look at homosexuality from the perspective of a psychological disorder like depression, then we can’t say it is sin either. There are many reasons why people suffer from depression – it may be that they had some psychological trauma, it may be they are genetically predisposed because other family members suffer from depression, and it may be some environmental or situational issue that causes depression.

Some people go through therapy and are cured of depression. Some people can take anti-depressants to deal with depression. Then, there are others like myself, for whom therapy and medication don’t work, but they learn to manage it and live with it. Many are never delivered from depression or any other psychological disorders. Some of the most famous Christians in history dealt with severe depression – Martin Luther, William Carey, and Charles Haddon Spurgeon to name a few.

Whatever the case, we don’t – or at least we should not say that depression or any other psychological issue is a sin no matter what the cause. Just like many psychological disorders, the pathology of homosexuality is very complex. Just like many other psychological disorders, people may not ever be “cured” of homosexuality. Most attempts at a cure, like reparative therapy have been more psychologically damaging than helpful.

In a study conducted by Williams Institute at the UCLA School of Law[1], 19 million Americans (8.2%) admitted to engaging in same-sex behavior at some point in their lives, 25.6 million Americans (11%) admitted to having some same-sex attraction. That would seem to confirm Alfred Kinsey’s estimate that about 10% of people engage in homosexual activity at some point in their lives[2]. However, the Williams Institute study also noted that only 3.8% of the population identify as lesbian or gay (1.7%), bisexual (1.8%), or transgender (0.3%). Based on this and other demographic studies it seems that just letting people be is the best way to “cure” homosexuality. The CDC National Health Interview Survey says the LGBT percentages are even less.[3]

Born That Way or Not?

Most people involved in the debate about homosexuality want to boil down the argument to one of two options – homosexuals are born that way or they choose to be that way. As I said in the first article, the debate is much more complex than that. Frankly, neither is true.

A lot of research has been done in this area. Some even go so far as to say that it has been proven that homosexuality has been proven to be a genetic, “born that way” trait. No research has really borne that out. At best, the results of the research into a genetic cause for homosexuality could be best summed up with: Maybe, but probably not.

A great article, called "This is the Way God Made Me"--A Scientific Examination ofHomosexuality and the "Gay Gene" was written by biblical apologist Dr. Dave Miller and Dr. Brad Harrub who is a doctor of anatomy and neurobiology. While the article was written more than a decade ago, it digs deep into much of the research that has been done on a possible genetic cause for homosexuality. Not much has changed or progress been made in the past decade.

Interestingly, geneticists who believe there is a “gay gene” don’t say that it is the only reason people are gay. Dean Hamer is a geneticist and a leader in the search for the “gay gene,” and he is also a homosexual. He said of the gay gene, “we already know that half or more of the variability in sexual orientation is not inherited. Our studies try to pinpoint the genetic factors, not to negate the psychosocial factors."[4]

In other words less than half of what determines if a person is gay is their genetic make-up. Some of it is determined by how we are raised, issues in our past, cultural issues, and more.

Even if homosexuality could be determined by genetics alone, nobody would say it is normal or normative, just like we don’t say other genetic abnormalities are normal. We don’t say that a person with Downs Syndrome is normal and we also don’t say they are sinful. We also shouldn’t shame people who are born with genetic disorders or disabilities.

¹ And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth. ² And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? ³ Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.

– John 9:1-3

There are some Christians who believe that if a woman gives birth to a disabled or malformed child that God is somehow punishing them. Sometimes, a woman’s health habits may contribute to birth defects such as those caused by the use of drugs, smoking, or alcohol. But many women lead completely healthy lives and still have children with birth defects, miscarry, or can’t conceive at all. It is an absolute fallacy to blame the parents’ sin for every birth defect, miscarriage or inability to conceive.

There are some Christians who believe that people who develop disabilities are being punished for something. Again, lifestyle choices may result in negative consequences. Sometimes, accidents happen. Sometimes, genetic traits don’t reveal themselves until late in life. I will allow that sometimes, these things might be a judgment from God. Often, though, it is allowed by God so that His power and glory can be revealed in the life of the person suffering with disability. Most of the time, disabilities are just the result of living in a fallen world. Remember Paul and his “thorn in the flesh” (2 Corinthians 12:7)?

Having followed the research into the possibility for a genetic cause for homosexuality, I can confidently say that the evidence does not support the “born that way” conclusion. There are some exceptions, but rather than disprove my point, they strengthen it. Sexual identity exceptions include gender mosaics where people are conceived with more than just XX or XY chromosomes. The most common form of mosaicism is what is called a trisomy (XXX, XYY, or XXY). Other exceptions would be hermaphroditism (people born with either both sets of human gonadal tissue) and pseudohermaphroditism (such as an XY male born with the physical appearance of a female).

These conditions are exceedingly rare and often do result in gender identity issues because their genders are ambiguous. These types of conditions are some of the reasons why gender identity discussions are way more complex than just an option of choice or born that way.

I provided some examples of people who say that they choose to be gay in my first article (link) in this series. Camille Paglia said, “There’s an element of choice in everything we do.” Cynthia Nixon was quoted as saying, “… for me, it is a choice.”

There are also many who identify as gay in their sexual orientation, but choose to live straight, even having heterosexual relationships. These relationships have been documented in Salon[5], the BBC[6], and TLC even created a reality show called My Husband’s Not Gay.

For most of us though, no matter what our sexual identity is, we don’t choose to be that way.

While there are some people who openly admit to choosing homosexuality, the majority of homosexuals didn’t wake up one day and say, “You know what? I really want to be a societal pariah and gosh, wouldn’t it be fun to be disowned by my family. I think I’ll be gay today.”

Many homosexuals struggle with their identity for years before coming out. By the time a person “comes out” they have struggled for so long, prayed, cried, and worried so much, they have no doubt they’re gay.

That’s why I say it’s neither a choice nor are people born that way.

Here’s the point: God never condemns us for admiring physiques or being attracted to people, even same-sex attraction. You absolutely will find no biblical support for condemning same-sex attraction. As long as the admiration or attraction is selfless and recognizes the other person’s human dignity, there is literally nothing wrong with that.

While God doesn’t condemn us for our attractions, He does hold us accountable for our thoughts and actions, which is why I encouraged gay Christians to pursue celibacy in my last article. I would add that it is also possible for gay men to have straight relationships too.

Christian, if the idea of someone of the same sex being attracted to you bothers you, too bad. There’s nothing you can really do about it. If you are heterosexual, a gay person knows it and is attracted to you anyway, you will probably never know it.

If someone does admit their same-sex attraction to you, or if they “come out” to you, don’t react in horror or revulsion. That’s self-righteous, selfish, hypocritical and not helpful in anyway. Instead, realize the trust that person has put in you. They are sharing something that is probably very private and personal to them.

I can’t emphasize it enough: remember the Golden Rule. Treat them how you would want to be treated. If you respond negatively, you will kill whatever chance you may have had to reach them for Christ. That ultimately is the goal. We shouldn’t be pushing for people to change from homosexuality to heterosexuality, but from unbelievers to believers. It may be that many if not most gay people will never be able to change.

As I was thinking about these issues, I ran across this article: What about gays needs to change?It may not be what you think! It is a great article written from a very conservative Christian perspective that gay people don't necessarily need to change.

Because of that article, I sent the following e-mail to several pastors:

I am polling several pastors about how they would handle this unique situation:

A person who admits to having a homosexual orientation or attraction comes to the church. The person says that they understand the Bible's position on homosexual conduct and have attended two reparative therapy courses, but could not overcome their same-sex attraction. For this reason, they have committed to celibacy and to avoid all romantic and sexual relationships.

Would you allow this person to become a member of your church and would you allow them to be involved in various ministries such as choir, sound, etc.

Thank you so much for you consideration and may God bless you.

The following is representative of many of the responses I have received.

Thank you for your email and question.

Every potential member must go through a "Membership Class" and then agree with our doctrinal statement. It is very clear regarding our position on homosexuality and the definition of marriage. If a potential member agrees to abide by our doctrinal statement, then yes, we would vote that person into the membership.

I know that kind of response isn’t what most homosexuals or LGBT activists want to hear. They would prefer that they be allowed to continue participating in homosexual conduct. That’s completely understandable. There are churches that will ignore or reinterpret scripture to fit that agenda and you can go to one of those churches. Just know that there are conservative churches, pastors, and Christians who want nothing more than to love you and for you to know that God loves you and wants to spend eternity with you.

I hate to end on a negative note, but I have to admit that there is still a lot of hate and ignorance in too many conservative Christian churches. Even in good churches such as the one I received the above e-mail from, you will likely run into hateful and ignorant Christians. Just keep in mind if you do try to find a church home in a conservative church that church is not a club for perfect people. Church is a hospital for sinners.

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[1] Gates, Gary J. How Many People Are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender? Los Angeles, CA: Williams Institute, 2011. University of California Los Angeles.

[2] Kinsey, Alfred C., Wardell Baxter Pomeroy, and Clyde E. Martin. Sexual Behavior in the Human Male. Philadelphia: W.B. Saunders, 1948. 651. Print.

[3] Somashekhar, Sandhya. "Health Survey Gives Government Its First Large-scale Data on Gay, Bisexual Population." Washington Post. The Washington Post, 15 July 2014.

[4] Toufexis, Anastasia. "New Evidence of a "Gay Gene"" Time. Time Inc., 24 June 2001.

[5] Clark-Flory, Tracy. "“We Do Have a Very Good Sex Life”: Gay Men with Straight Wives Are Coming out — as Happily Married." Salon.com. Salon.com, 19 Apr. 2015.

[6] Derbyshire, Victoria, and Megan Bramall. "'I'm a Gay Man but Married a Woman' - BBC News." BBC News. British Broadcasting Corporation, 22 June 2015.