Betrothal, Marriage, and the Stoning of Non-Virgins in Ancient Israel
Mature Content Warning: This post contains frank and
sometimes graphic language regarding sexual conduct and reproductive anatomy.
One of the most criticized aspects of the Bible has to do
with civil punishments for the breaking of the Moral Law, specifically the
death penalty. In many cases, the death penalty was prescribed for the breaking
of the Moral law, including sexual sin. Of these cases, one of the most widely
criticized laws has to do with the stoning of women who are not virgins at the
time of marriage.
13 If any man take a
wife, and go in unto her, and hate her, 14 and give occasions of
speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this
woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: 15 then shall
the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of
the damsel’s virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: 16
and the damsel’s father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this
man to wife, and he hateth her; 17 and, lo, he hath given occasions
of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these
are the tokens of my daughter’s virginity. And they shall spread the cloth
before the elders of the city. 18 And the elders of that city shall
take that man and chastise him; 19 and they shall amerce him in an
hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because
he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his
wife; he may not put her away all his days. 20 But if this thing be
true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: 21
then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the
men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath
wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father’s house: so shalt thou
put evil away from among you.
– Deuteronomy 22:13-21
At face value, this practice seems completely worthy of
condemnation for being backward and anti-woman. Of course, such condemnations
lack cultural and scriptural context.
To get a firm understanding of why a non-virgin was
stoned, there needs to be an explanation about marriage practices in ancient
Israel along with information about the culture common to that area in that time
period.
In ancient Israel, marriage was a two part custom:
Betrothal and Wedding.
The first part, betrothal was called erusin (the legal contract) and kiddushin
(the betrothal ceremony). The closest thing we have in American culture today
is engagement. Betrothal was a period of waiting and preparation before the
actual wedding. It was primarily an agreement between families. The parents of
the bride would make a marriage contract with the groom or his parents. During
the ceremony, two things were agreed upon before the groom could take his
bride: the dowry (Hebrew mohar), and
gifts for the bride (Hebrew mattan).[1]
Ask me never so much dowry [mohar] and gift [mattan], and I will give according as ye shall say unto me: but
give me the damsel to wife.
– Genesis 34:12
When sons were married, they usually stayed with or near
their father’s home and helped with increasing the holdings and working the
property of their father. The sons would not form their own homes and separate
families until after the father passed away and his inheritance was divided
among his sons. The first born son would receive a double portion of the
inheritance along with any titles or positions of authority held by the father.
The first born was also responsible for supporting his widowed mother and any
other women that remained in the household.[2]
When women were married, they left the home and became
part of another household. Women helped with many vital tasks, so when a woman
was married, her father lost labor as well as a valued member of the family.[3]
Because of this, fathers were more concerned with
arranging marriages for their sons. When their sons were married, they brought
their wives into the household which increased labor. When their sons had
children, it increased labor. The dowry reflected the value that a bride had to
her family in lost labor and also to the groom and his father in gained labor.[4] By the fifth century B.C., the standard dowry was five shekels,[5] which was about two week’s pay for the average laborer.
The human value of a woman was reflected in the practice
of providing gifts (mattan) for the
bride. The practice of giving gifts to the bride extends to this day in most
cultures. In the west, engaged couples register for their wedding so that their
friends and family know what they need to start a household. In ancient Israel,
the agreed upon gifts would be provided by the groom so that the bride’s father
would know the groom could care and provide for the bride.
Rather than turning women into simple property to be
bought and sold, it actually enhanced her basic humanity. The dowry showed that
she was valued by both her future husband and her father, the agreed upon gifts
showed that both her husband and father cared for her.
Once the dowry and gifts were agreed upon, the betrothal
ceremony took place. The ceremony was very similar to a wedding ceremony—vows
were exchanged and a priest or rabbi would bless the betrothal. At the end of
the ceremony, the betrothed couple would drink from a cup of wine[6]
which showed that the betrothed couple and their families agreed to the
contract.
Unlike modern engagement, after betrothal the couple was
understood to be married in almost all respects. The bride could not be
promised to another,[7] she
was set apart only for the groom, and betrothal could only be broken by a
formal divorce decree. The bride did not go home with the groom and they could
not be sexually intimate.[8] The groom departed to prepare a place for his new wife in his father’s house.
This period of separation usually lasted about twelve months in ancient times.[9] The waiting period was only three months in the case of a marriage to a widow
or divorcee.[10]
If the woman was not a virgin at the betrothal ceremony,
either because she had been raped or was previously married, she would not be
expected to be a virgin on the wedding night. However, if the woman was never
married and had never reported a rape, she would be expected to be a virgin at
the time of the betrothal. Since she was considered to be the wife of the groom
and was prohibited from all sexual conduct until marriage, it was assumed she
would still be a virgin on the wedding night.
Wedding
The entire wedding tradition was called Nissu’in. Nissu’in is derived from the
Hebrew word nesu which means to carry away.[11] The wedding began with the groom “carrying away” his betrothed bride to his
father’s house.[12]
A procession followed the groom and his bride to the home
of the groom’s father or to a predesignated place where the consummation of the
marriage was to take place.[13] Jesus alludes to these processions in the Parable of the Ten Virgins in Matthew
25:1-13. The non-canonical book of 1 Maccabees records one of these
processions.
And they lifted up their eyes, and
saw: and behold a tumult, and great preparation: and the bridegroom came forth,
and his friends, and his brethren to meet them with timbrels, and musical
instruments, and many weapons.
– 1 Maccabees 9:39 (Douay-Rheims)
When the Jewish people were still nomadic people living
in tents, the groom would take his bride into the tent to consummate the
marriage. Laster, as Jewish people moved into brick and mortar homes, the
marriage would be consummated in the section of the father’s house that was to
be the son’s or an addition built by the son to be the place of the new
couple’s home.
Many Jewish towns had buildings specifically built as
public wedding halls which the Talmud refers to as Bet Chatanaim (House of the Bridegrooms). Wealthy families with
large homes would use their own home for the marriage ceremony.[14] Part of the Bet Chatanaim was a room designated as the Bridal Chamber. In a
private home used for a wedding, a room would be set aside as the Bridal
Chamber. This was referred to as Chuppah.
In the Talmudic Period (200 to 500 AD), the Chuppah evolved into an elaborate
tent set up at the site of the wedding feast.[15] In modern Judaism, the Chuppah is an ornately decorated canopy, supported by
four poles held over the heads of a Jewish couple as they make their vows.
Once inside the bridal chamber, the marriage was
consummated while the guests waited outside. Once the marriage consummation was
completed, the couple would go to the wedding feast and be presented as fully
husband and wife. Wedding feasts lasted a week![16]
 |
| Sir William Russell-Flint, Song of Solomon, 1909 |
At issue are the “tokens of virginity” referred to in
Deuteronomy 22 and the criticism of stoning non-virgins. The reason why the discussion
of ancient Jewish weddings was necessary is because of what the “tokens of
virginity” were possibly referring to.
Deuteronomy 22:17 says that the parents were to “spread
the cloth before the elders of the city” to prove the girl was a virgin at the time
of consummation. The Bible, history, and archaeology aren’t clear what the
cloth was, so we’ll look at what various scholars have to say.
Many scholars believe that the “cloth” referred to the
bed sheet upon which the couple consummated their marriage. According to the
most widely accepted tradition, the sheet is used to clean the couple’s genitals
after the consummation. Because a virgin’s hymen should be in tact before first
sexual intercourse, the tearing of the hymen is often accompanied by blood.[17]
The tradition was that the couple cleaned themselves with
the bedsheet and then the bedsheet was presented to the bride’s parents
accompanied by witnesses and the parents would keep the sheet as evidence of
her virginity. Most scholars agree that this is what is referred to by the
“cloth,” but some say there are indications that the cloth was draped from the
window of the marriage chamber for all the guests of the wedding feast to see.
Many scholars see a problem with these assumptions. A
basic understanding of female anatomy, specifically the hymen, would indicate
the biggest problem with this view. The hymen is normally just a fringe of
tissue around the vaginal opening. During first intercourse, some women do
experience some mild pain, tearing, and bleeding, but the hymen does not
actually break. However, while there may be discomfort, not all women experience
tearing or bleeding during first intercourse.[18] If blood flow during first coitus is the proof of virginity, many innocent
women would have been put to death that had remained virgins prior to marriage.
There are at least three other problems with this view.
First, in order to accuse anybody of anything in ancient
Israel, The Law requires that there be at least two witnesses to establish
innocence or guilt in any legal matter brought before the elders (Deuteronomy
19:15). False witnesses were punished in a manner befitting the crime they were
making accusation of (Deuteronomy 19:16-21). Essentially, if a woman was
accused of infidelity, any witnesses against her could be put to death by
stoning if they were found to be liars. In order to really prove that a woman had been unfaithful prior to marriage, she would
have to have gotten pregnant or the witnesses would have had to physically
observe the intercourse take place, which would beg the question: why did he wait
until after the marriage to bring this testimony?
Second, the “tokens of virginity” were left in the hands
of the parents. If at the wedding, the sheet was not “stained with blood,” and
with no laboratory testing available, it would have been very easy for the
parents or even the bride to falsify evidence.[19]
Third, if the groom made a false accusation to have his
new wife killed just because he didn’t like her (Deuteronomy 22:13), if she was
found innocent of the charges, not only would the witnesses he provided be put
to death, the husband would have to stay married to her anyway and he would
never be authorized to divorce her for any reason including infidelity
(Deuteronomy 22:18).
Based on these problems, if the tokens of virginity were
the bed cloth, then the Laws referred to in Deuteronomy 22:13-21 would have
been nothing more than a cautionary tale to men who simply wanted to get rid of
a wife they didn’t like. Better to get a divorce than to accuse your wife of
infidelity and risk ending up married to her anyway and have at least two of
your friends stoned to death.
Other scholars believe that the tokens of virginity had
to do with pregnancy and menstruation prior to marriage. Because Israel was an
inheritance based culture, families wanted to ensure property ownership
remained in the family. Virginity was not of prime importance because a man
wanted to make sure he had first access to a woman, but to ensure she was not
pregnant at the time of marriage. If a woman was pregnant with a son at the
time of marriage, a man’s inheritance could unknowingly be passed to a
non-genetic heir. In other words, another man’s son inherits.[20] This is the reason divorcees and widows were later required to wait ninety days
after her previous marriage to marry again.
If a woman had menstruated within a month of the
consummation, there was very little chance that she could have become pregnant
by the time of the marriage consummation. This line of thought says that if a
man accused his wife of being unfaithful, the parents could bring the bride’s
most recent menstruation cloth prior to the marriage to demonstrate that it was
unlikely for her to have conceived prior to the marriage.[21]
This second view is the minority view.
If a woman was found to have been sexually active with
someone other than her groom during the time of betrothal, that was considered
adultery. Sex with the groom during betrothal was frowned upon, but the only
punishment for premarital sex between the betrothed was a fine and the marriage
was moved up. The punishment for adultery was stoning for both men and women.
Some critics argue that Deuteronomy 22 unfairly puts the
onus of virginity on women. A closer look at the Bible would demonstrate that
both men and women were to be virgins for a first marriage. Divorcees (Deuteronomy
24:1-4) and widows (Deuteronomy 25:5-6) could remarry and they would not have
been virgins, so obviously Deuteronomy 22 wouldn’t apply to them.
If a man had sex with a woman betrothed to another and it
was consensual, they were both put to death (Deuteronomy 22:23-24). If a man
raped a betrothed woman, only the man was put to death (Deuteronomy 22:25-27).
If a man and a woman were to have sex without marriage or betrothal and they’re
caught, the man had to pay an exorbitant dowry of fifty shekels of silver—equivalent
to four month’s pay—to the father, they were forced to marry, and the man could
never divorce the woman for any reason (Deuteronomy 22:28-29).
As you can see, while stoning seems extreme as a
punishment for not being a virgin, as a punitive requirement, stoning was
equally and fairly prescribed for both sexes for not remaining sexually pure. It's also much different than honor killings committed in Islamic societies where a woman can be killed even if she is raped. Sex
outside of marriage was clearly understood to be condemned and the result was a
far greater respect for sexual purity than we have today. Along with sexual
purity is lower incidence of all the pain that goes along with sexual
promiscuity.
In modern western society and culture as a whole, we
don’t take the holiness of sex seriously. Pornography is $14 Billion a year
industry. The sexual revolution made empty promises of sexual gratification
outside of marriage—empty promises that are still believed to this day. Men are
losing their virginity at the average age of 16.9 years and women at the age of
17.4 years. Men have an average of seven sexual partners in their lives and
women have an average of four.[22]
More than half of all Americans will contract some kind of sexually transmitted
disease in their lifetime.[23]
We don’t take the holiness of marriage seriously either.
The idea of childbearing was something both men and women looked forward to. It
wasn’t seen as a burden or something that held you back, it was a fulfilment of
who you were. Women who couldn’t conceive were pitied in that society and
suffered depression. You couldn’t have children without sex and sex was
intrinsically attached to marriage. Today, marriage isn’t necessary to many
couples. Couples have sex and children without ever entering into any kind of marriage,
agreement, contract, or having a ceremony. Marriages, relationships, and even
the children they produce are considered disposable.
The idea of penalizing a non-virgin today seems horrific
because sex has become meaningless to so many people. If we were honest with
ourselves, the lack of sexual purity in this country has hurt us. In 2013,
there were 3,932,181 live births recorded in the United States. Of those,
1,595,873 (40.6%) were born to unwed mothers.[24] Fifty years prior, when the second sexual revolution was just beginning and
people took issues of sex, marriage, and childbearing more seriously, the
illegitimate birth rate was just 15.4%.[25] In 1935, illegitimate births were below 4%.[26]
These children often grow up never knowing their fathers.
Because single mothers are rarely able to take care of a child on their own,
many of these children enter foster care or are put up for adoption. Certainly
adoption is better, but not all kids get adopted. Statistically, fatherless
children end up poorer, more likely to become addicted to drugs and alcohol,
have more emotional and psychological problems, have lower educational
achievement, have a higher involvement in crime, are more likely to be sexually
active outside of marriage and at a young age, and repeat the cycle.[27]
We like to think we are so much more sophisticated than
we were 50 or 100 years ago, but as we stray farther and farther from godly
living, we are reaping what we have sown. The sexual revolution promised
fulfilment, but has left people empty, in broken marriages, with broken hearts,
and more than 57 million children have been killed through abortion since Roe
v. Wade in 1973.[28]
I am not advocating for the death penalty for sexual
immorality. The Bible is pretty clear that punishment for crime is a civil
matter entirely up to a country’s government, not a church or an individual.
Even if America became some kind of Christian theocratic government, the
example of Christ where sexual sin was concerned was mercy in John 4 and John
8:2-11. The Puritanical government of the early American colonies recognized this and only two
people, Mary Latham and James Britton were ever executed for adultery.[29]
I just wonder how much different America and the rest of
the western world would be if we took sexual purity just a little more
seriously.
[1]
Jastrow, Marcus, and Bernard Drachman. "Betrothal." The Jewish
Encyclopedia. Vol. 3. New York: Funk and Wagnalls, 1906. 128. Print.
[2] Schauss,
Hayyim. "Ancient Jewish Marriage." The Lifetime of a Jew
Throughout the Ages of Jewish History. New York, NY: Urj, 1998. N. pag. My
Jewish Learning.
Web.<http://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/ancient-jewish-marriage/#>.
[3] Schauss,
Hayyim. "Ancient Jewish Marriage." The Lifetime of a Jew
Throughout the Ages of Jewish History. New York, NY: Urj, 1998. N. pag. My
Jewish Learning. Web.<http://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/ancient-jewish-marriage/#>.
[4]
Schauss, Hayyim. "Ancient Jewish Marriage." The Lifetime of a Jew
Throughout the Ages of Jewish History. New York, NY: Urj, 1998. N. pag. My
Jewish Learning. Web.<http://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/ancient-jewish-marriage/#>.
[5] Chapman,
David W. "Marriage and Family in Second Temple Judaism." Marriage
and Family in the Biblical World. Ed. Ken M. Campbell. Downers Grove, IL:
InterVarsity, 2003. 195. Print.
[6]
Jastrow, Marcus, and Bernard Drachman. "Betrothal." The Jewish
Encyclopedia. Vol. 3. New York: Funk and Wagnalls, 1906. 128. Print.
[7]
Gordis, Daniel H. "Marriage: Judaisms "Other" Covenental
Relationship." Celebration and Renewal: Rites of Passage in Judaism.
Ed. Rela M. Geffen. Philadelphia: Jewish Publication Society, 1993. 109. Print.
[8]
Gordis, Daniel H. "Marriage: Judaisms "Other" Covenental
Relationship." Celebration and Renewal: Rites of Passage in Judaism.
Ed. Rela M. Geffen. Philadelphia: Jewish Publication Society, 1993. 123. Print.
[9]
Jastrow, Marcus, and Bernard Drachman. "Betrothal." The Jewish
Encyclopedia. Vol. 3. New York: Funk and Wagnalls, 1906. 126. Print
[10]
Schechter, Solomon, and Julius H. Greenstone. "Marriage Laws." The
Jewish Encyclopedia. Vol. 8. New York: Funk and Wagnalls, 1906. 348. Print.
[11]
Wilson, Marvin R. "Jewish Insights into Marriage and the Family." Our
Father Abraham: Jewish Roots of the Christian Faith. Grand Rapids, MI: W.B.
Eerdmans, 1989. 213. Print.
[12]
Skolnik, Fred, and Michael Berenbaum. "Marriage." Encyclopaedia
Judaica. 2nd ed. Vol. 13. Detroit: Macmillan Reference USA in Association
with the Keter Pub. House, 2007. 563-74. Print.
[13]
Brayer, Menachem M. "The World of the Occult." The Jewish Woman in
Rabbinic Literature: A Psychohistorical Perspective. Hoboken, NJ: Ktav Pub.
House, 1986. 31. Print.
[14]
Bloch, Abraham P. "The Life Cycle." The Biblical and Historical
Background of Jewish Customs and Ceremonies. New York: Ktav Pub. House,
1980. 30. Print.
[15]
Bloch, Abraham P. "The Life Cycle." The Biblical and Historical
Background of Jewish Customs and Ceremonies. New York: Ktav Pub. House,
1980. 32. Print.
[16]
Bloch, Abraham P. "The Life Cycle." The Biblical and Historical
Background of Jewish Customs and Ceremonies. New York: Ktav Pub. House,
1980. 30. Print.
[17]
Steinberg, Avraham. "Virginity." Encyclopedia of Jewish Medical
Ethics: A Compilation of Jewish Medical Law on All Topics of Medical Interest
... Jerusalem: Feldheim, 2003. 1115-116. Print.
[18]
Roye, Carol. "What Exactly Is a Hymen?" Our Bodies Ourselves.
Our Bodies Ourselves, 14 Dec. 2008. Web
<http://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/health-info/what-exactly-is-a-hymen/>.
[19]
Sicker, Martin. "Ki Tetze." The Theopolitical Discourses of Moses:
The Book of Deuteronomy in Political Perspective (Part 2). Bloomington, IN:
IUniverse, 2009. 33. Print.
[20]
Nemet-Nejat, Karen Rhea. "Society, Part II: Private Life." Daily
Life in Ancient Mesopotamia. Westport, CT: Greenwood, 1998. 148-149. Print.
[21]
Sicker, Martin. "Ki Tetze." The Theopolitical Discourses of Moses:
The Book of Deuteronomy in Political Perspective (Part 2). Bloomington, IN:
IUniverse, 2009. 32-33. Print.
[22]
"10 Surprising Sex Statistics." Nbc.com. National Broadcasting
Coporation, 22 June 2010. Web. 23 Oct. 2015.
[23] "Statistics
- American Sexual Health Association." American Sexual Health
Association. N.p., n.d. Web. 23 Oct. 2015.
<http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/statistics/>.
[24] Martin,
Joyce A. Births: Final Data for 2013. Rep. 1st ed. Vol. 64. Washington:
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2015. Print.
[25] Natality
Statistics Analysis United States 1963. Publication. Washington: Public Health
Service, Ser. 21. No 8 (1966). VI. Print.
[26] Dunn,
Halbert L. Birth, Stillbirth, and Infant Mortality Statistics for the
Continental United States, the Territory of Hawaii, the Virgin Islands.
Publication. Vol. 21st Annual Report. Washington: U.S. Department of the
Commerce, 1937. 10. Print.
[27]
"National Center for Fathering." National Center for Fathering The
Consequences of Fatherlessness Comments. N.p., n.d. Web. 23 Oct. 2015.
<http://www.fathers.com/statistics-and-research/the-consequences-of-fatherlessness/>.
[28] Abortion
Statistics United States Data and Trends. Publication. Washington: National
Right to Life Educational Foundation, 2015. Print.
[29]
Mays, Dorothy A. "Adultery." Women in Early America: Struggle,
Survival, and Freedom in a New World. Santa Barbara, CA: ABC-CLIO, 2004.
12. Print.
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